Up to this point, we have been exploring how we can dwell in meditative awareness with others. As we Pause, we can Relax and accept what we find, and Open our awareness to encompass external as well as internal experience. We Trust Emergence, resting in the flux of experience; we meet the delight and the insecurity of change without knowing what the next moment will bring. Listening Deeply to our inner voice and to the voices of others, we come to the precipice of outward action.
Attuned to the moment, we Speak the Truth. Communication inevitably arises in any moment of emergent interpersonal contact. Seeing and being seen yield an emotional interchange, with or without words. Bodily proximity generates a flow of energy between people. It is uniquely powerful, however, to meet each other through the power of language. Whenever we speak, some bit of the heart-mind is revealed; every day, through the mystery of language, we touch each other mind to mind, heart to heart. The guideline Speak the Truth grounds this mutuality in morality and mindfulness.
. . .
Speak the Truth rests in the moral and mutual elements of our practice. In Insight Dialogue we are committed to ethical speech, to truth, and to kindness. Given the human propensity for reactivity, and the power of language to spin us out of present-centered awareness and into self-centered habits, it is no surprise that most meditative practices do not include speaking. With Speak the Truth we are invited to bring our highest intentions and our refined perceptions into language.
The simple guideline Speak the Truth invites us to re-examine the process and function of verbal communication. To speak the truth we must know the truth. Because we are referring to the subjective truth, the truth of our experience, we must listen internally in order to discern this truth. Thus, speaking enters meditation practice through the door of mindfulness. Mindfulness can reach into our speaking because of the stabilizing support of the other Insight Dialogue guidelines. Clarity arises when the mind is energetic, mindful, calm, and spacious (Pause-Relax-Open), and unattached (Trust Emergence). This clarity allows us to discern the truth of the moment. Speak the Truth reminds us to cultivate mindfulness in action.
It is not easy to establish mindfulness while speaking. Words are conceptual representations of experience, and when we speak, we can easily jump into the stream of ideas and cease to be present. When the conceptualizing associated with speaking pulls us out of the moment of experience, mindfulness of bodily sensations can help us return to the immediacy of experience. For example, noticing the posture of the body or the sensations at the point of contact with our seat will reveal and reconnect us with the moment. The mind has the capacity to do this while speaking, just as we can know our emotional state or thoughts as we speak.
To observe ourselves as we speak can reveal much. We may discover for instance that our hunger for being seen interferes with conveying the simple truth. Our words are drawn from a huge vat of memories and views; because speech flows from the mind and we think and feel much quicker than we speak, we often speak from conclusions. This is not a bad thing; it is efficient and often necessary. It is not, however, extraordinary. When we speak quickly or for long unbroken stretches, we are more likely to speak from habit. Calling on the Pause to interrupt such a flow can be a helpful reminder. Without the Pause, which is more about mindfulness than about time, truth is rarely spoken.
Words spoken from habitual hungers and stress have great power to harm. When a spouse says, “You always do things like that,” the little word “always” may reference thirty years of hurt. When we bring meditation practice into our interactions, we can explore other possibilities. In Insight Dialogue we are invited to slow down and perhaps find some fresh words among the reactive. At the same time, we hold no delusion that we will never speak from habit.
While language may be the source of conceptual traps and misunderstandings, it also carries great positive power. Words can even be used to deconstruct themselves. Sometimes, Insight Dialogue sessions can sound like absurd circularity. Whether hilarity or discomfort result, practitioners are offered a uniquely clear view of absurdity of a mind that believes in the logic and validity of its own fabrications.
Although Insight Dialogue is a meditative practice, it rests on the same foundation of kindness that is the ground of ordinary human decency. The golden rule, of speaking and listening as we would like to be spoken to and listened to, provides a basis of ease and safety. In ordinary life, small talk—the observations and jokes that have no real point beyond establishing a friendly relationship—foster relaxation, camaraderie, and happiness. Are we speaking to excite and entertain, or to express the truth of this moment, perhaps by affirming good will and mutual esteem? Kind speech no less than wise speech conditions the future by cultivating wholesome mind states.
Real life is messy. Insight Dialogue is not intended as a shield behind which we hide from our anger and fear. Speaking the truth encourages emotional and intellectual honesty as an inherent component of the path to freedom. Wrong speech, on the other hand, hurts. It puts a painful clamp on emotions, arouses agitation, and leads to confusion. Lying, cruel, contentious, and frivolous speech all disrupt this meditation practice. Speaking the truth does not mean using even true facts to wound, or to give vent to damaging emotions. If we find ourselves with the urge to lie or to speak cruelly, we Pause and take the time to ask if what we are about to say is based in greed, hatred, or delusion—or in generosity, love, and wisdom.
Of all the possible things we could say, to what do we give voice? Much of what we might say is not wrong or cruel, but does this mean it should be said? Here we come to the greatest challenge of Speak the Truth. As we learn through practice to perceive the momentary truth of our own experience, we begin to realize that the mind is awash in thoughts and emotions. When a thought or feeling presents itself, we can instantly speak it or observe it and let go. What do we do? What does it mean to speak the truth? The question, “What do I speak” cannot be answered by a formula. Speak the Truth calls us to live with the paradox set up by emergence and mindfulness. We come to recognize meditative speaking as something that has less to do with words than the source from which the words emerge.
Through practice, we learn to recognize the truth as we develop an intimate relationship with our own speaking. Delicately present with the moment of experience, we watch speech emerge from the body, thoughts, or the unknowable unconscious. Recognition of what to speak comes with practice—like listening to music, or appreciating poetry or art. No one answer about what to verbalize can be given. Through trial and error we learn when favorable conditions increase or decrease.
Recognizing the truth of the moment, we speak it with confidence yet without self-driven attachment. As mindfulness, loving-kindness, openness, and trust in emergence become more stable, and as we listen deeply to the internal and external, we learn to trust our discernment. There is a boldness in this that is neither aggressive nor ego-bound.
Without ego interference, the mindfulness of Pause, the calmness of Relax, and the boundlessness of Open find expression in our words. Speaking does not interfere with dwelling in the flux of emergence. When Speak the Truth and Listen Deeply meet, the between comes alive as a shared experience. Communication becomes meditative contact. The voice and ears of compassion become one; we meet each other in this human experience.
